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Kissing my 20s goodbye and what I learned before turning 30 | Fearlessly Feminine Boudoir

Fearlessly Feminine Team

July 18, 2019

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Today is officially my 30th Birthday! I’m in Las Vegas hanging by the pool and fully leaning into the celebration. To celebrate… I’m going full Taylor Swift by listing the top 30 things I learned before turning 30! If you didn’t catch her article in Elle Magazine, it’s a good read.


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  1. I learned to stand in the sun.

    I’m open and transparent. I don’t shrink myself to make others more comfortable, I don’t hide things and I don’t lie. I live my truth.

  2. Self love is always the best choice.
    It’s a struggle everyday, but I’m committed to loving my body in all stages. And I’m passionate about helping other women celebrate their bodies! I’m also recognizing and tuning out the noise of what the media says about women’s bodies.

  3. I enjoy being strong; it makes me feel good.
    I invest in myself and work regularly with a trainer. It took a long time to find the right balance, but I work best with an appointment. Going to the gym regularly decreases my stress and my back pain.

  4. Therapy is a healthy, smart, responsible choice.
    Whoooo, this one changed the course of my life completely. Most Influential Person in My 20s would be Karen, my therapist. If you’re close to me, you know I’m a huge advocate of therapy. I can’t say how much I recommend taking care of your mental health. I’m so much happier and my relationships are healthier. Don’t get my wrong: the first two years were grueling as I came to terms with confronting what being sexually abused had done and forgiving myself, and forgiving my family, for not protecting me. But taking responsibility for my health and happiness and finally making a change made all the difference.

  5. Boundaries. I embrace the shit out of them.
    The best thing I learned in therapy was how to create boundaries in my relationships. It protects my happiness and doesn’t leave other people guessing.

  6. Hire a life/business coach.
    When my therapist repeatedly told me that my mental health was on point and she couldn’t help me build my business… it was time to graduate to a business coach. I avoided it like I do most change But sitting scared for long isn’t my MO. I took the leap in 2018, and now I’m shooting boudoir sessions in Europe. If you’re considering a business coach for yourself, do it. You won’t regret it.

  7. I stopped avoiding conflict.
    Goodness, this was uncomfortable at first, but now so liberating. Situations are resolved quicker and feelings are hurt less when you’re willing to call out the bullshit.

  8. I learned the most important opinion of me, is my own.
    I spent a long time caring what other people thought… feeling hurt when they criticized me, my business or my relationships. When I figured out people often give advice and loud opinions though a filter of their own insecurities, I drowned out the noise of what everyone else thought, and I flourished. I’m SO much happier.

  9. I’m a feminist.
    Always have been, but 16-year-old me feels good about having a label. I also think we should all be feminists, and before you think you’re not… here’s the definition for reference. Feminism is a range of social movements, political movements, and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes.

  10. I figured how to travel solo.
    Whether it’s driving in crazy LA traffic or flying to Europe, I can go anywhere with minimal anxiety, and that’s freeing.

  11. I found my voice, especially in regard to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child and teen.
    Being silent helps no one, and suffering alone definitely isn’t the answer. The only way to stop the madness is for more victims to feel empowered that they will be believed and that they’re not experiencing this alone.

  12. I’d rather spend my money on experiences rather than things.

    Dakota and I don’t normally do presents; we do trips, and it’s 100% where I want to invest my time and money.

  13. I learned other women are not my competition.
    Game changer. I now take any chance to build up the women around me. I give compliments to strangers, I support other women-owned business when I can, and my entire boudoir business is built around building up other women. Join the Self Love Club here to get in on the girl power fun!

  14. I found my tribe.
    My best friends own businesses, are passionate about their careers and chase their dreams. I’m so incredibly thankful to be surrounded by strong women I can relate to and do life with.

  15. I learned how to forgive myself and give grace to teen me.

    She was just doing her best and she didn’t know any better.

  16. Telling myself verbal affirmations makes a difference.
    When I need to knock out something hard or something I want to avoid, I cheerlead for myself. “You’re a badass! You’re capable of hard things!”

  17. Work/Life Balance.
    I’m a workaholic. I love my business: like, I’m obsessed. I’ll work 80Hrs a week… ’til my back hurts, the computer screen is blurry, and my husband gives me another speech on how I’ve overcommitted myself yet again. Let me be honest: my chiropractor and I are good friends. Now (thanks to my business coach) I’m working on creating more time for fun, making time every day to move my body and just taking better care of myself. At 30 my life is definitely more balanced, but still a work in progress.

  18. I learned how to be a better boss.
    Being in charge is hard. I was really young when I hired employees for the first time. I learned listening without being defensive is key.

  19. Being present.

    Sometimes on the weekends I just let my phone die. I’m not saying it’s a great method, but in this era we have to do what we can to keep ourselves present with loved ones.

  20. I learned how to be a wife.
    I didn’t witness many healthy marriages growing up. In my twenties I learned what it meant to be part of a team, how important communication is and how important it is to respect and trust my husband. He’s amazing and has lots of grace while I’m still working on breaking some bad habits that I do unintentionally. My crew is amazing, and they call my ass right out when I’m snippy unnecessarily.

  21. I decided I don’t love fast fashion.
    I don’t buy things I don’t love, and I avoid crazy trends. I try and invest in beautiful, sustainable pieces that I will love for years. (It’s a work in progress because I’m impulsive, and I love to shop)

  22. I learned how to outsource.
    All of it needs to get done, but I don’t have to do it all. If I make more an hour than what I’ll be paying, and I don’t enjoy the task… I consider outsourcing and spending my time on what I love.

  23. I got over just liking sweet wine.
    It took most of my 20s, but I now love a large variety.

  24. I fell in love with good coffee beans.

    My husband is a coffee snob, and I’ve now joined him on the dark side. Proper Coffee is my favorite place in town.

  25. I stopped being a wimp about trying new food.

    I grew up really picky… turns out I was missing out, and now I’ll try anything. I’m food-adventurous, and I love it.

  26. I got passionate about supporting local.

    It’s really true when you shop local, an actual person does a little happy dance. At FF, we do a full office dance party when a new babe books a session. I love supporting small business in my community, especially the restaurants and boutiques.

  27. I cut unhealthy people out of my life.

    To some it seems harsh, but to me it seems likes saving my sanity. If people repeatedly hurt you and don’t respect your boundaries, it’s ok to end the relationship. #sorrynotsorrydad

  28. I learned I only like wearing one color of nail polish.
    Bubble Bath by OPI. It’s what brings me joy and makes me feel like me.

  29. I quit avoiding QuickBooks.
    I’m a math hater; in fact, I made it through 4 years of college without ever having to take a math class (thanks dual credit) so I avoided dealing with the books for a long time. I hired an incredible bookkeeper and have my financial life so together. I highly recommend having a kind hearted, dad-style bookkeeper like Kevin that cheers you on.

  30. Credit Card Points
    When Dakota took a job that meant he was traveling frequently in Europe, we got serious about our miles. I can’t remember the last time I paid for a flight, and it feels amazing to be traveling often without breaking the budget. (Highly recommend… *only if you can be responsible with paying them off in full each month to avoid interest charges!)

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I'm Jessica and I'm so happy you're here. This blog a journal about our lives, travels, fashion, and style. Stay a while and say hello!

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